The Case for Hatred and the Power of Forgiveness.

Hatred exists; therefore, it must have a purpose, right? Maybe, even if its only purpose is to make love possible, since everything requires its opposite in order to function ...yin/yang sort of thing.

However, more than likely, hatred exists in order to protect us from harm as we've evolved through time. It's hard to distinguish between anger and hatred; except to say that anger is usually a reaction to a situation, an individual/ group of people, or frustration, whereas hatred could be defined, not so much as a reaction, but as a result of not allowing our angry reaction to die. Hatred is more calculating, conscious, and long-term.

Hate occurs when we refuse to let go of our anger that was aroused by a feeling of being wronged in some way. Instead of forgetting our angry experience(s), we engage our mental capacity to retain and revive facts, events, impressions, etc., and recall previous situations that triggered those angry feelings. Hatred, therefore, serves a very important purpose because at certain times/situations, self-preservation requires that we passionately remember our anger.

The bottom line: there is no avoiding this overwhelming feeling. We must, as sentient creatures, decide if and when hatred is appropriate, and if not, we must figure out how to transcend these strong feelings that are hard-wired into our brains from birth. It's not an easy task.

Not to long ago, sitting in traffic, I was thinking about a "friend" who had double-crossed me. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. As my anger and "hatred" (or what I thought was hatred) of this person increased, I was all set to do something I should have done a long time ago to protect myself from financial hardship.

Then, as I listened to Hector's story, A Father Finds Peace in Forgiving Daughter's Killer on NPR's StoryCorps on the radio, all of my anger and hatred dissipated. After all, Hector, who had every reason in the world to hate ended up forgiving the man who murdered his daughter. What right did I have to my hatred and anger? By the time, I reached my destination, my desire to act provoked by my malevolent feelings had evaporated, for better or worse, and I did not act. In this specific situation with this specific person, I think it worked out for the best, but in different circumstances, with different "actors" letting go of the hatred that provoked me to act may have sealed an unfortunate ending.

Anger, all by itself, may not be enough in some cases, because anger has its limits and once the angry reaction wears off, what then?

Extreme situations, when life becomes almost impossible, such as when a person or a group of people is literally smothering under oppressive circumstances; hatred could serve as indispensable, motivating people to do what is necessary to either save their lives or escape the crushing conditions they are experiencing.

An African American writer about prisoners:

‘It’s easy for folks who have enough to eat, homes, land, work, to preach about forgiveness. But is it fair to preach it to people living in hellholes, jobless, starving? Are they to forgive the fat well-fed millions who voted for their starvation? Who voted for war? Who voted for prisons? Who voted for a people’s repression? Who wish, in their heart of hearts, that those people had never been born? Should the starving forgive the repression to come, the genocide to come?’

Lance Morrow, on September 12, 2001 wrote a piece in Time Magazine called The Case for Rage and Retribution making the case for the purpose of hatred.

“A day cannot live in infamy without the nourishment of rage. Let's have rage. What's needed is a unified, unifying, Pearl Harbor sort of purple American fury'a ruthless indignation that doesn't leak away in a week or two, wandering off into Prozac-induced forgetfulness or into the next media sensation.
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Let America explore the rich reciprocal possibilities of the fatwa. A policy of focused brutality does not come easily to a self-conscious, self-indulgent, contradictory, diverse, humane nation with a short attention span. America needs to relearn a lost discipline, self-confident relentlessness' and to relearn why human nature has equipped us all with a weapon (abhorred in decent peacetime societies) called hatred.”

Justified or not, Mr. Morrow certainly has a way with words. Hatred is the most dangerous weapon  in our emotional arsenal and must be handled with extreme care. We need to monitor our hatred constantly, asking ourselves if it is serving any purpose, and if so, we must be extremely cautious that any action it may provoke helps the situation at hand and does not exacerbate the problem.

As much as I admire Mr. Morrow's literary composition, I don't agree with his call for hatred after 9/11, as I believe hatred serves no purpose in a nation as powerful as ours. Hatred should be reserved for the weak and powerless, the underdog, as sometimes its their only hope, and even then, hatred can spiral out of control and drain the humanity of the souls it consumes.

If everyone followed Hector's example and transformed the powerful emotion of hatred, once it served its purpose, to the even more powerful emotion of forgiveness, as he did, hatred could assume its proper place in the complex intricately woven tapestry of emotion that makes us who we are.

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A Special Kind of Mother

Marietta Jaeger-Lane

Marietta's daughter, Susie, was abducted at the age of seven during a family camping trip in Montana. A year after the abduction, she received a call from the murderer who taunted her. Her immediate response to the young man was to ask how he was feeling, since his actions must have placed a heavy burden on his soul.

Her words disarmed him, and he broke down in tears on the phone. He subsequently spoke with Marietta for over an hour, revealing details about himself and the crime that ultimately allowed the FBI to solve the case.

Marietta was to learn that Susie had been killed on a remote Montana ranch a week after she disappeared.

Despite her family's tragedy, she remains committed to forgiveness and has been an ardent opponent of the death penalty for the over 25 years since Susie's death. She was a founder member of Journey of Hope in 1997 (see www.journeyofhope.org).

journey of hope...from violence to healing blog

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Enemies

Recently, I've acquired some enemies...real enemies...the kind that might even go out of their way to make sure that I "suffer". However, what they do not understand, is that although, it is true that this is and can be a very painful process, I have acquired, much more than they will ever be able to take away from me.

I have acquired knowledge, strength, and a much better idea of what is important and what I stand for and believe in. I am also learning to believe in myself because even the people who support and love me think I'm crazy, yet I persevere. There is a very good chance they may be right and I am a loon, but I have to take that chance, something I never had the courage to do before.

I know, I know... I sound like Norma Rae or a character from "The Color Purple" even though I have never seen these movies, that's how I imagine the characters sound. No, my situation is much more banal and will certainly not change the world..all I'm saying is that I've always tried to avoid making enemies and now I'm learning how important adversaries are and that as much as I hate them, and I do, I also realize how valuable they have been and will continue to be...although, hopefully they vanish soon.

Prior to this "situation", I thought I had "enemies, however now, on a scale ranging from Mr. Rogers to Hitler, my previous "enemies" came in around Neumann from Seinfeld...of course, I was Jerry. My new enemies, or what I perceive to be real "enemies", on that same scale, fall somewhere around devious, underhanded "soap-opera" nemesis, scale of wicked. OK, maybe not hardcore evil, but diabolical enough to satisfy my quest to understand how it might feel to really hate someone so much that forgiving that person is no easy task. AND, as hard as it is for me to believe, they see me as I see them.

Anyway, back to my point. Before my current situation, I thought forgiveness was easy. I looked down on people who could not forgive because it always came so easily to me. Duh!
Could it be, because, maybe I never had any real enemies to forgive?

Like everyone else, I've had run-ins with people over the course of my life. I've had plenty of misunderstandings occur between family and friends; I've had good friends who may have stood me up, didn't pay me back, annoyed me, took advantage, blah, blah, blah. I've had plenty of people who have called me names, accuse me of something I didn't do, overreact to something I did do or neglected to do etc. However, for the most part, if hindsight is 20/20, I have escaped the consequences of what I am truly guilty of, more so than what I have "suffered" at the hands of the people, who I feel, I did nothing to deserve the way they have treated me.

The bottom line is I have always come first. I don't mean to say I am mean, selfish, or stingy. I'm not. I can be incredibly compassionate and generous. I'm a good listener, loyal and I always stick up for the underdog, however if someone penetrates my outer shell, watch out! That is when "look out for Numero Uno" kicks in.

Once I have allowed someone access to the fortress that serves to protect my "inner self" and my alarm goes off indicating this person may be the least bit threatening...it is always I who strikes first. The problem is my sense of when someone is going to strike is often times paranoid, completely inaccurate, and myopic.

So, here I am, approaching middle age, and I've finally acquired adversaries who actually take time out of their precious day to engage in antagonistic activities against ME! I must be important...only important people have enemies, right? Well, that's what I tell myself, anyway.

So, right about now, I know I would be asking, "Enough already, what's your point?"
My point is nothing more than I was a pompous ass for judging other people for not being able to forgive heinous crimes. I had no clue how hard it is to forgive and I will never judge the person who can't seem to forgive the person who...oh, just happened to murder their child, parent, brother, sister, spouse, or who injured them beyond repair. I can't even forgive people who I - out of complete ignorance and arrogance - said are making my life a living hell. I don't have a clue as to what living through hell is like and I don't ever want to know.

Instead, I'm trying to think of my "enemies" as my greatest teachers. Yes, I hate their guts and I wish more than anything in the world that I possessed a wand that produced instant karma the moment I waved it, but all feelings aside, the individuals I speak of may be the opportunity of a lifetime if I can learn to transcend the most powerful feelings I've ever felt.

I try as hard as I can to put myself in their shoes, something I normally have no problem with, however, when I attempt to do the same thing with my enemies I always fail miserably ending up hating them even more...I've got a long way to go.

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"Reconstructing Bibleland Doesn't Cut the Mustard"

Jesus' words: Feed the hungry; Clothe the naked; Love your neighbors; Pray for the coming of the Kingdom; Live as if the Kingdom were already here; Love your enemy, etc. do not require a genius IQ to understand, yet so many people who vociferously claim Jesus as their savior are often times the least likely to follow these simple instructions.

They are, as the Rev. Peter Gomes, Harvard professor, pastor and author of The Scandalous Gospel of Jesus says, more likely to try and "reconstruct bible land", speak in tongues, obsess over the horrors of sex...anything to take the focus off of what Jesus really said.
Pentecostal ecstasy is not the confusion of tongues. It is understanding of what the Gospel is all about.

Rev. Gomes answers the question, "What would Jesus do?" with the response,

"Who do you think you are?

Jesus can do all sorts of things, you can't. Sooo...when was the last time you turned water into wine? When was the last time you walked on the water? When was the last time you brought somebody back from the dead? Probably a very long time ago, if ever. Soooo...what would Jesus do is an excuse to do nothing and a pious loop or way out from any responsibility.?

The question should be, 'What would Jesus have me do?' You have certain talents, skills, means, motive and opportunities... given what was given to you and where you were at the moment, what did you do with what you had?

Not, what would Jesus do...invariably Jesus would do the right thing, being Jesus means you are always doing the right thing...that's great...hooray for Jesus! But the rest of us who have to cope with circumstances and difficulties and opportunities and resources...how do we use the talents that we have?
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How, when and where do we apply the teachings of what we know to be the teachings of Jesus to the world in which we live.

The challenge is, can you live as fully and faithfully now with what has been given to you and what has been presented before you as Jesus did in his time. Not doing what he did but doing what you are called to do. -- Rev. Gomes

What we are meant to do is not a great mystery. It is at the heart of the teachings of Jesus. The first step is admitting that we do understand what Jesus said, instead of purposefully creating smoke and mirrors to distract from His teachings, and then we can admit those same instructions that are so simple to understand are practically impossible to live every day...all we can do is try our best .

Jesus knows that what he's telling us to do is tough...that's why he invented forgiveness.

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The Power of Forgivness

Yolanda Young, a lawyer in Washington, D.C., and author of the book and syndicated column, "On Our Way to Beautiful," in her essay, Freeing Myself Through Forgiveness on This I Believe from NPR, eloquently delivers why she believes in the power of forgiveness.

Radio Times, host, Marty Moss-Coane, interviewed Donald Kraybill, author of Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy.Tragedy yesterday. Mr. Kraybill followed the tragedy that occurred in the Amish community last year when a truck driver broke into an Amish Schoolhouse and shot ten schoolgirls, execution style, killing five of them. He points out how forgiveness is part of the "cultural DNA" of the Amish community and how the individual yields to the community giving up any right to retaliate. He discusses why anger is not functional in a communitarian context as it is in an individualistic society such as ours.

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